Sometimes I have these moments where all I want to do is find a cliff. I don't always feel like jumping off of it. I feel like if I just stand there and feel the wind and watch the waves crash against the rocks, that I'll be fine. That if I just imagine myself being slammed against the rocks then maybe, just maybe I'll stop looking for that cliff to jump off.
I know that no matter how I feel I would never actually do something stupid like that. I've gone through way too many suicide attempts by my dad and I wouldn't put people through that. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would care? But the fact of the matter is, I would never ever want to cause Manda that kind of pain. Nor would I want her to have to explain to Kayleigh why I won't be around.
So in the end, just thinking about it stops me from doing it. That and the fact that I just do not have the energy to do some thing like that. And here's the biggie: I am a chicken and can not handle pain.
And that is my morbid thoughts of the day.
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